Story Snacks 2.6

I realized last morning that we don’t mix words. Just try saying “yesterday night” next time you talk to someone and see what happens. It’s “last night” and “yesterday morning”. Don’t you dare forget it.

Toilet paper rolls must start from the top, not the bottom. Don’t ever be that person that puts it on backwards. Top-feed is the only way. When my son was seven, I found him taking a roll off and putting it back on. When I asked what he was doing, he said it was on backwards and he was fixing it. I never taught him that. My seven-year-old son intuited this on his own. You’re a grown up, put the paper on right. (Okay, using a child’s intuition as justification for an opinion is a huge logical fallacy, but still…) Also, while I’m on a roll, just say no to single-ply. It’s worth less than the stuff it wipes.

Nothing in your life is set in stone by your genetics. Not the deficiencies you have, the diseases you suffer from, not even your skin color. You won’t get heart disease because your dad had it, nor die of the same cancer as your mom. You are genetically free to change your destiny. If you really believed that your genetics were just a possible blueprint, and you get to decide which pieces to keep and which to not, what would you let go of?

Nobody expects a hitman at a petting zoo. The cute animals and fuzzy fur put everyone off their guard. All I have to do is blow a dog whistle and the animals start going nuts.

My weapon of choice is a donkey’s jawbone. It’s a tool as old as time. Of course, in my case, the teeth are cleverly hidden in an artificial biting clamp. In the ensuing panic of animals biting and braying, the donkey teeth strike. Little bit of untraceable poison along with some rabies thrown in has the doctors chasing their tails long enough for the target to have pet their last donkey.

I’ve done it enough times to know it works. So when I woke up one morning with bite marks on my hand, I knew I was in trouble.

What if there were people who could see the past and future of a plant by touching it? If they are really practiced, they can see a small space around it. What do you think they would see if they looked at a tree near where you live?

Dog Bear says, “If you ever want to make origami, do it at a movie theater. The sound of the paper folding will blend right in with people crinkling wrappers.”