They’ve found COVID-19 in our sewage. That means you could theoretically contract it from smelling someone’s farts. – Credit to my friend Chris, who’s always thinking about poop
The English measurement system. Just look at us stupid Americans still using a measurement system based on how long someone’s foot is, since that’s so consistent. Seriously, I get how that was an acceptable average length back in the day. But now? I know, change is hard. But you change your underwear most days, right? Sometimes change is good. Changing to metric will be good too. So let’s just get it over with.
Question your Reality
Sunscreen is actually worse for you than sunburns. What do you do? Never go outside again? Rub mud all over yourself? Wear a hat?
Semblance of a Story
Pottriclus pumped the pedal with his foot, giving the wheel a steady cadence. He wet his hands and pressed against the clay. Ocean waves surged away from his fingers to splash upon the shores of a great forest. Wind howled before his hands, gathering ocean waters to batter against high cliffs. For eons, he shaped the world beneath his fingers, adding detail upon detail to the fledgling world, adding plants and creatures the likes of which had never been seen.
Finally, it was done. Complete. A new world awash with color and life. As the wheel spun to a stop, he admired his creation. His hands ached, but it was worth it. He noticed a small smudge on the top of the world and swiped a finger over it to smooth it out. At that slightest tough, the world toppled from the wheel, smashing against the floor, snuffing out millions of lives in an instant. Pottriclus stared in horror at the pieces of his creation.
“I told you not to fix anything after you finish,” said a voice behind him.
Pottriclus glowered at his teacher, Globulin the Worldmaker, then without a word, picked up a fresh lump of clay.
What if cyborgs were real, but it only works if the augmentation has a mind of its own? Like you have a prosthetic arm, which is great most of the time, but last night you walked away while it was trying to punch the jerk on the subway. So today it is throwing a tantrum and not doing anything you say. Plus it keeps picking your earwax and trying to rub in in your nose.
Dog Bear Says
Dog Bear says, “If you ever decide to become an inventor, invent a new fungus. Then your invention will pop up all over the place.”